The Blog of a Burlington Wedding & Event Planner

As you could imagine, I’ve been to a lot of weddings and have heard many toasts and speeches, both good and bad.

You can always tell who has done a little legwork in preparing their speech. Those that do use humour, love and plain old common sense.

I think the worst speech I have ever heard was from a groom’s brother, who proceeded to read a list of inside jokes that lasted (and I’m not exaggerating) at least 20 minutes (which is a LOOONNNGGG time when you are sitting ther listening). His list included things like ‘a red sock with a hole in it, chocolate chip cookies, road trip to Ottawa….’ and on and on it went. The only people who knew what heck he was talking about was the groom and maybe a few friends. The other 100+ guest just sat there waiting for the monotonous list to end.

So if I could offer a work of advise, make your speech or toast personal, but not so personal that you need a deocoder ring to understand it!

On that note, here are a few humourous/distinctive/smart quotes you might include in your speech:

“Life has taught us that love does not consist in gazing at each other but in looking outward together in the same direction” — Antoine de Saint-Exupery

“Do you, Marge, take Homer, in richness and in poorness” –poorness is underlined — “in impotence and in potence, in quiet solitude or blasting across the alkali flats in a jet-powered, monkey-navigated”… [consults the notecards] … and it goes on like this. — Homer Simpson

“There is only one happiness in life, to love and be loved.” — George Sand

“Your looks intoxicate me,
Even though your folks hate me,
There’s no one like you Elenore really,
Elenore gee I think you’re swell,
And you really do me well,
You’re my pride and joy etcetera.”
– The Turtles “Elenore”

“Later that day I got to thinking about relationships. There are those that open you up to something new and exotic, those that are old and familiar, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started, and those that bring you back. But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you find someone to love the you you love, well, that’s just fabulous.” — Carrie, Sex & The City

“A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.” — Mignon McLaughlin

“When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.” — Billy Crystal

“No, I don’t understand my husband’s theory of relativity, but I know my husband and I know he can be trusted.” — Elsa Einstein

“I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.” — Rita Rudner

“When you love someone, all your saved up wishes start coming out.” –Elizabeth Bowen

“You know that when I hate you, it is because I love you to a point of passion that unhinges my soul.” — Julie de Lespinasse

“The idea behind the tuxedo is the woman’s point of view that men are all the same, so we might as well dress them that way. That’s why a wedding is like the joining together of a beautiful, glowing bride and some guy. The tuxedo is a wedding safety device, created by women because they know that men are undependable. So in case the groom chickens out, everybody just takes one step over, and she marries the next guy.” — Jerry Seinfeld

Happy planning!